Many a times I feel it’s not me in the mirror. Have
you ever got this feeling? I think it’s great that I am in a position to look
at myself from a different point of view apart from my own. I know (or I think I know) what my actions, my words, my expressions look like. Spooky!
23nd Oct’13, it’s already midnight 12.52
am and I’ve just stepped out of a wonderful hot shower after a long drive…
It's now that I’ve realized that I don’t like
to mince words anymore. I either speak or shut the hell up completely. I would
initially think almost about a billion times (at a speed of light) before uttering
a word or putting anything up on a public platform. I was worried about “what
would people think of me” or “in what light will I be seen by my classmates or
colleagues etc.”. Maybe, I was not in a comfortable state of mind that I am in now; maybe I just cared way too much about
everything; maybe I wasn’t sure if I will be accepted; maybe I didn’t know that
it’s just me who has to accept me.
Now I stand outside my body, looking at me as a
third person.
Though I come across as a confident (maybe
overconfident for some) every time I step outside my door, but I’ve had my
share of identity crisis, the times when I was not comfortable in my own skin.
It might be the age factor (late 20s do bring their magic in calming you down)
or witnessing too much of good and bad of life in a short span of time or just
taking lessons from my own mistakes, whatever else it might be, I don’t see
myself in the same light as I used you until almost couple of years back. I am
not as possessive about me as I was 5 years back and I try to not take myself
seriously the way I used to maybe a decade back.
Blah! Blah!
Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!
Are you still with me? You have all my love but seriously! Do better things than reading these
rants of yet another blogger born out of nowhere.
Explore the world, start with your
neighborhood. Travel! If you don’t have
a company, go alone.
Party and look at people! All kinds! It’s
actually a lot of fun.
Laugh! Goof around! Be silly! Not everyone can
be silly and it takes some special awesomeness to be insane.
And most important: treat yourself as third
person and this world wouldn’t be such a burden.
Still reading? Well! Then I have an obligation to continue.
As I said before, in my previous blog post, “I”
is important and needs to be given the first, but not all
the attention. I try
to look at myself as someone who either loves me or hates me. It’s an
interesting exercise, just because it lets you understand the wrong in you and the
right in others.
Not that, I bother to change much per others
expectations (remember: you can’t make the entire world like or appreciate you),
but it does help in getting a better perspective of me as a person and ease
whatever bitterness, malice and maybe even jealousy looking to crop in the head.
World is an all Happy Place, you just got to
change your perspective! It’s an easier thing to say, than to practice, especially
when you are so scared that you decide not to share your thoughts, feelings and
shy away from sharing your struggles at the risk of being judged at the hands
of many and the unknown audience.
Like most others, I’ve too had my fair share of
bad times. From family and personal losses, to witnessing good amount of criticism/
sarcasm (or maybe I was a tad bit extra sensitive) at every step of the way,
I’ve gone through it all. Among all that, what hurts just a bit more is the
statement like “I don’t consider you a competition”. You are forced to think
and believe that you are not worthy enough and the person saying it is too good
to even consider your presence. However, what you fail to understand is the
fact that very same person might just simply be insecure or even jealous to
acknowledge your existence.
I
Accept: I am no saint but I am no liar
either, so I don’t mind admitting that I do get a tad bit of sadistic pleasure
when I see the person, who once didn’t consider me worthy her stature, still
trying to figure out life in some corner of the developed world. Karma has its
ways to make good with you and you got to enjoy the spectacle without trying to
be a part of the deeds drama.
Feeling scared is easy; to not speak up is the
easiest but waking up with a bunch of regrets is the toughest thing to go
through. It’s when you risk everything, it’s then you stand nothing to lose and
nothing can match that sans burden BLISS. After all, a homeless can only be
this poor, what worse can happen to his home? What assists in having zero
regrets is a promise to not treat you as ‘you’, but as a third person. To enjoy
that extra freedom, you ought to be little less careful with ‘you’.
I am not suggesting to practice selflessness and I am not at
all saying that it will get you a bunch of lifelong or hip friends to party
with or will ease your zits or will make your daily job better; all it will do
is, let you rise above the meager materialism and will get you extra serendipitous
moments of happiness. You will be in a better place to admire yourself in the
mirror (without obsessing about you) and amuse yourself with your antics and
relish the offerings of the world and love of its people without feeling judged
at every step of the way.
Good job RK.. :) very nicely expressed.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ramneek.
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